What do you want? ...

Psalm 23: The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want.

Hmm, if that's true, which of course it is. Then why do I want what I think I need? Maybe I don't really "need" the things I want. Maybe if I saw it as; "I won't lack the important things God knows I really need" and the other stuff is just my human thoughts mucking things up.

Let me give you a little perspective on where I'm at with all this. Right now we're living here in San Diego as part of an intentional community. Oh geez! Stop rolling your eyes, it's not what you think. It's not a commune. We're actually part of a mentoring/coaching community that we are helping to lead, but that's even harder to explain, so for the sake of getting this blog post out of my head and put into words, I'm just going to go with "intentional community".

Last week, as a part of a book we are reading together, we were asked to list the words that came to mind when we hear the word "community". I must admit I struggled a bit with being honest. The first words that wanted to fly out of my mouth were bad hairdos and weird clothing (but that's just too much TV coverage of the wackos that had 400 kids taken away in a raid on their ranch), but what I ended up saying out loud was "challenging". A few years back, I would have ran away as fast as I could at the thought of living in a "community"; when I was in high school one of my sisters went off to live in a Kibbutz (that did not end well) and I had many pre-conceived ideas of what living in community might look like. So far, this experience is not stereotypical.

And now that it's been almost a year into the adventure, I am starting to see my role here a little more clearly and my definition of "community" is changing. One of the things I've struggled the most this past year is with giving myself away and keeping my love tank full. I saw a great quote recently, it went something like this:

"In order to receive love and acceptance, you only need to give it away."

Think about that for a moment. Isn't that so opposite to how our culture stockpiles away everything for ourselves? That's what I've been doing emotionally and relationally. I've had to dig deep to get to the heart of this one. I suppose it's a good thing to realize something isn't right.

The truth is that I need to be needed and wanted, but really, unless I need and want others I'm not going to get what I want. I'm still thinking this one through and as a part of that conversation with myself I'm going to re-read a great book that I went through about 10 years ago, called "Search for Significance", maybe it will help me remember who I am and why I want the things that I do.

So in celebration of my "aha" moment today, I share with you this fabulous vintage Cheap Trick song that I so can relate to today. Enjoy!



*** if you are coming in via FB, to see the video you'll need to visit my blog by clicking here OR just watch the video on youtube

Mankind Is No Island ...

I thought you might appreciate this. It's beautiful and sad at the same time.

Halloween & Dia de los Muertos ...

Halloween in Golden Hill last night was quite a surprise! This little corner of San Diego sure came to life. I bought 2 jumbo bags of candy and that certainly didn't last long. The streets came alive and it was so fun to see two diverse cultures mixing it up and having so much fun. The girls had a good time, and so did Jon and I. It was a great introduction to the neighborhood.

So after we got home last night, Jon and I started getting our stuff together for a Dia de los Muertos event we are attending this evening. We'll be decorating sugar skulls, walking the streets of Sherman Heights to visit some homes that are decorated for Dia de los Muertos, we'll also be decorating an altar/shrine and enjoying posole with friends. It's good to be celebrating my cultural heritage and traditions with the girls.

These two holidays in particular were taboo while I was growing up. It's good to able to make my own choices and share my values with my own family now. So we took the girls out last night to explore and connect with our new little neighborhood. I feel that Halloween is a PERFECT opportunity to walk around your block, peek into peoples homes and actually talk to your neighbors.

For me, my belief is that above all else we are commanded by God to show love to our neighbors, and not to judge them. And in the immortal words of Forest Gump ... "that's all I have to say about that".

Now for the really good stuff, this is a painting that Jon made for me last night. He hasn't painted anything in over 20 years, so it's good to see him get back into painting, he's got such amazing talent. So, we'll use it for a decoration tonight for the Dia de los Muertos fiesta. But it's certainly coming back home with me, I can't wait to hang it up above my computer table so that I can see it all the time, I just love it!!!

Interesting quote from Suresh ...

Last week's opening sequence of Heroes"Dying of the Light" episode was narrated by Suresh;

"In every journey, the traveler must ask 'Was the right path taken?' Many roads are long and winding, filled with those who have lost their way. Some forge their own course, guided by faith, seeking not a location but a kindred soul. Others step together, finding safety in the arms of another. A few remove themselves from the trail to avoid the path of temptation. But those who watch the track too closely fail to see where it led them. And they're often all too surprised by their destination."

This season of Heroes is pretty dark, I'm still not sure what is up with all the "evil". Either way, I'm still a fan and I really liked the intro and I think it's a great reminder to take a look around every once in while and see where I'm actually headed. I thought, maybe you could use the reminder too.

The Fence ...

Today I went to Friendship Park right at the border of Mexico and the U.S. Quite literally, I was able to touch the fence. This will soon end with the new impenetrable fence coming in. Right now families are able to visit with each other to a certain degree. But soon, even this will be gone. The picture above is one that I took while standing at the fence this morning.

The event was called God's Kingdom and Migration, and was with a group called U40, you can find them on Facebook. Other sponsors were The Ecclesia Collective and Subversive Magazine. It was a great day!

And while I'm on the subject, this video clip is pretty enlightening, take a couple of minutes and have a glipse of what is happening at the border fence here in California.

http://www.guardian.co.uk/world/video/2008/oct/15/uselections2008-usimmigration-mikedavis

What is God's Plan? ...

I read a powerful post yesterday at Jesus Manifesto. It's called "The Death of Evelyn".

(to read it, just click on the article title above)

I needed this reminder that God's plan involves active participation, and that I need to be watching and listening for the "Evelyn's" that God puts in my life.

You might also like listening to this song by Audio Adrenaline it sort of goes with the article ... enjoy and ponder.

The Good Word ...

These guys are so funny!

Door Knocker ...

Last night I went out with a friend and her son to knock on doors in a neighborhood near our church that has many homes that have been sited for being an eyesore for the neighborhood.The idea was to see if anyone wanted help with yard work or anything else around the home. The plan was to offer this without strings attached; free weeding, planting of new landscape plants that we will provide for free, paint touch-up, hauling away trash, etc. Sounds pretty cool, right?

Well, it's a tough sell. I was surprised how it turned out. Many of the people ignored us completely; some pretended they couldn't hear us knocking, some ran inside their house to hide. One guy seemed pretty insulted. We did find one family that agreed, 2 more were maybes.

Basically I came away with the realization that most people believe that there is nothing free in life ... it's hard to do a good deed when nobody trusts a stranger. But at least some people are interested, I'm sure God will work this one out.

So while I was thinking about our little adventure, I remembered this funny story from a while back and thought it was a good time to share it =)

Two Jehovah's Witnesses were going door to door, and knocked on the door of a woman who was not happy to see them.

The woman told them in no uncertain terms that she did not want to discuss religion and then slammed the door in their faces.

To her surprise, the door did not close. In fact, it bounced back open.

Seeing the two witnesses still standing at the door infuriated her further. She stormed back to the door and flung it shut, but the door still didn't close. She grabbed the door with two hands and shoved it as hard as she could, but again, the door wouldn't shut.

Convinced one of these rude church members was sticking a foot in the door, she reared back to give the door a slam that would really teach them a lesson.

Just then, one of the witnesses said, "Ma'am, before you do that again, you might want to move your cat."

Once you are real, you can't be ugly ...

This is a wonderful excerpt from the Velveteen Rabbit. I can't believe the wisdom here. Sometimes getting real is messy, but the payoff is huge!

What is REAL?” asked the Rabbit one day, when they were lying side by side near the nursery fender, before Nana came to tidy the room. “Does it mean having things that buzz inside you and a stick-out handle?”

“Real isn’t how you are made,” said the Skin Horse. “It’s a thing that happens to you. When a child loves you for a long, long time, not just to play with, but REALLY loves you, then you become Real.”

“Does it hurt?” asked the Rabbit.

“Sometimes,” said the Skin Horse, for he was always truthful. “When you are Real you don’t mind being hurt.”

“Does it happen all at once, like being wound up,” he asked, “or bit by bit?”

“It doesn’t happen all at once,” said the Skin Horse. “You become. It takes a long time. That’s why it doesn’t happen often to people who break easily, or have sharp edges, or who have to be carefully kept. Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in your joints and very shabby. But these things don’t matter at all, because once you are Real you can’t be ugly, except to people who don’t understand.”

What you can't say at church ...

I found an interesting blog that took on this "taboo" subject. The question was asked; "What is something you feel you can’t say in church, or around other Christians?"

For example … mine would be;

I don't enjoy traditional worship music. I don't like the new "let's wear a name tag" idea.

Here's a sampling of the one's that I enjoyed reading. I love the honesty!

I like this country club. The membership dues are cheaper than the ones with the golf courses.

I always look to see what everyone else is wearing at church and then feel happy when I am dressed prettier than my friends.

That sometimes when there is a dramatic pause in my message, and I look like I’m waiting on God to give me something really powerful to say, I’m not. In reality I’m just wondering if I zipped up my zipper before I went up on stage.

And one that I find so sincere;

I feel suffocatingly alone, almost all the time. I am politically apathetic, and can’t stand almost any true republican I meet. I am a pacifist. I don’t like Christian music. I don’t want to convert anyone. My greatest fear is dying. I love saying the word shit. I think women are absolutely equal to men. I don’t see anything resembling our modern church in the New Testament. I don’t think tithing (even though it pays our salaries) is a New Testament principle. I kinda think televangelists could be some sort of sub-human race. I think you can be Christian and gay. I am becoming increasingly irritated at God for how invisible He is. Sometimes the only thing that soothes this ache is a night drinking with friends. I wish we could quit the ministry and never look back, because maybe there is a church out there that I could love and that could love me and maybe we could figure this life thing out together.

Found! ...

I snagged this off a website called www.foundmagazine.com. They post notes and found objects; lots of interesting and sometimes very weird & random stuff.

Someone posted this and said they received this $5 dollar bill back as change from a store. It has the words "SPAY/NEUTER ALL ILLEGAL IMMIGRANTS" written on it. I found it ironic that they wrote it right under "In God We Trust".

I read through all the comments and was amazed at how much discussion there was on the subject of illegal immigration. These were a few of my favorites.

There are so many myths and sterotypes about undocumented immigrants that feed on racism and hate. We "Americans" are such a judgemental and self-centered country!

I'd much rather shake a hand that was calloused from swinging a hammer than one that was soft from pointing the finger.

Who can blame someone living in poverty or in a repressive country for wanting to come to the US to build a better life for him/herself and their children? Who of us would not do exactly the same thing?

I think it's even safe to say, we may ALL be opportunists in one shape or form, too. Yes??

What Would Be On Your Cardboard Banner?

Take a few minutes and watch this inspiring music video ...

"Be The Change You Want To See" by Kat Edmondson

What You Do With What You've Got ...

OK, since the pressure was on to post something, because it's almost been 30 days since my last post (and the blog police fired their warning shot today) I wanted to share this inspiring and beautiful song by Eddi Reader with Thomas Dolby on the piano.

Our family spent last weekend with about 125 volunteers just south of the border in Tijuana building homes for some very impoverished families, the trip was amazing and I can't wait to go again. If you want to know more about Project Mexico, check out some of Jon's latest postings on his blog about our last trip with some links to some great photos from the weekend.

So in honor of all the amazing Project Mexico volunteers who really "used what they've got" ... I hope you enjoy this song!

In The Register Editorials Today ...

At first I laughed at the ignorance of these comments. Then after that, I was saddened. Jorden probably represents the sentiments of most residents of Orange County.

Too bad Jorden hasn't had an Illegal Mexican Immigrant for a friend. He probably wouldn't feel this way if he'd ever had the joy of building a home for a Mexican family in one of the shanty towns of El Nino or San Bernardo just outside of Tijuana. I have. And I'm forever changed by the experience. If you'd ever seen how life is for less fortunate people you wouldn't be so ignorant. Maybe Jorden would like to come on the next Project Mexico trip in May 2008? Probably a long shot ... but then again if Jorden has his way and all the "Illegals" are gone he'll be cleaning his own toilet and paying $10 for a burrito.






Oh, and about the currently declining property values, I'm very sure "the illegals" had nothing to do with that. I think you can pin that one on "the legals" ... the greedy ones.

My hope for 2008 ...

Our family watched the vintage classic "A Christmas Carol" this past week. I've seen the movie several times in my life, but this time I saw something new, something huge ... it happens in the middle of the movie when Scrooge is visited by the ghost of Christmas Present with two orphans, Ignorance and Want.

I couldn't find a video clip, but here's the transcript;

"They are Man’s" said the Spirit, looking down upon them. "And they cling to me, appealing from their fathers. This boy is Ignorance. This girl is Want. Beware them both, and all of their degree, but most of all beware this boy, for on his brow I see that written which is Doom, unless the writing be erased. Deny it." cried the Spirit, stretching out its hand towards the city. "Slander those who tell it ye. Admit it for your factious purposes, and make it worse. And abide the end."

"Have they no refuge or resource." cried Scrooge.

"Are there no prisons". said the Spirit, turning on him for the last time with his own words. "Are there no workhouses."

Championing the causes of the poor and oppressed, Charles Dickens personified Ignorance and Want as twins because Ignorance and Want are the twin evils of humanity. And eventually Ignorance will lead to doom.

Which made me think, it's really how WE act and behave towards one another in society that plays a vital role in lives of the poor and the oppressed. When I say we, I mean all of us! The orphan twins symbolized the plight of the poor and the causes of their poverty as well as humanity’s obligation to them. IGNORANCE is the greater evil, I'll speak for myself ... I don't want to be ignorant.

It is Ignorance that says "we aren’t their keepers" or say "someone should go do something about that problem". It is so much easier to bury our heads in the sand because poverty makes us feel so uncomfortable. Well maybe that feeling is good for us. It makes us think, and hopefully change.

I'm not sure what 2008 holds for us as a family, there are some big decisions on the horizon for us. One thing is the possibility of caring for the marginalized in our country and those just across the border. One very inspirational prospect is something called Micro Lending. In case you don't know what it is or who it's founder Muhammad Yunus is, check out the video, he won the Nobel Peace prize for his work and ideas on ending poverty. He's been quite an inspiration and his ideas from his book "Small Change" have been a big part of many conversations Jon and I have had this past year.

So as we end 2007, my hope and wish for you is; to love, give and grow more abundantly in 2008!

Mine doesn't have wings ...

I wanted to tell you about something that happened to me several years ago when my mother passed away. I had just flown back to LA from Colorado for my mother's funeral and Jon and the girls met me at LAX to drive me home. I was walking with Jon and the girls in the airport and a tall black man taps me on the shoulder and says "I have a message from God for you ... don't forget to look up, this is only temporary".

So Jon looks at me right after this and says "are you OK?" I say "did you hear what that man just said to me?" Jon says "what guy?" I say the one we just passed, I describe him and we turn around and he's gone. Now, I guess you could say, Oh, that's interesting ... or you could say that's amazing. Considering my state of mind at the time and the thoughts in my head at that very moment, I say it was more than amazing.

Next meeting:
A year later I take the girls on a field trip that's about a 2 hour drive from our home. It's a blazing hot day. We arrive at the Renaissance event and realize we have to walk a long way to get to the event. Then once inside we walk for about 45 min just to get to the center of all the activities. So here I am with a 6, 5 and 2 year old and Emily my oldest starts feeling ill. She has a fever and chills and I'm out in the middle of a dirt field, miles from civilization with a really sick kid. The crowds are thick, and so I pick up Emily who was too weak and out of it to walk. I put her on my back. I grab the hands of the 2 little ones and tell them to stay close and not let go. Emily is getting worse by the second and my cell phone won't work out here in the middle of nowhere. I don't see anyone who can help, so I figure I've just got to get back to the entrance and find some help.

I'm struggling to carry Emily, and it's so hot, I'm starting to get really worried. I say a prayer in my head for help as I walk and I bump into "him". He says, "Give them to me, I'll help you get there". Yes, of course it's my tall black man again. He grabs Emily and tells her to hold on to his back and he lifts the other two girls, one on each arm. He turns his head over his shoulder and says "Follow Me".

Now let me press "pause" for a second. If you know me well, which some of you do. It's not like me to hand over my kids to anyone. Also, looking back, I remember him wearing safari clothing. Who wears safari clothing at a Renaissance Faire???

End pause:

So I follow him through what seemed like endless secret long pathways between tents. I follow, and I don't ask questions ... again, that's not like me.

We end up at a medical station of sorts. He puts the girls down with a woman who identifies herself as a nurse to the girls. He says to me, "go get your car, they'll be safe here" Again, I listen and do what he says, I don't ask questions.

When I return with my car I find that the girls are still there. He of course is gone. I ask the nurse what his name is so that I can thank him somehow, maybe send a card or tell a supervisor how helpful and kind he was. She says she has no idea who he is.

I think I know who he is. I think I know who sent him.

So today I had some very difficult things happen. And some very interesting experiences. And then some amazing things happened. I'm still processing all that transpired. Sometimes it's beyond believable how God works and like the events that happened today ... well, it's so amazing and hard to grasp.

But that's an entry for another day.

Project Mexico ....

In a few weeks our family is headed across the US border into Mexico with close to 200 volunteers to build homes for impoverished Mexican families living just outside of Tijuana. My husband Jon started Project Mexico in 1999, to date participants have built over 80 homes. The impact goes way beyond shelter for these families, it gives hope.

Our family gets so much out of doing this every fall and spring. A few trips back we built a home for Marisol and her daughter, Karla. Since I speak Spanish we all made friends very quickly. When I told Marisol how each participant pays their own room & board ($65 for the weekend) and each team of 20 raises the $6,200 for materials ($300/person) via fundraising she was completely amazed and grateful. Marisol has had a very rough life; she had an abusive mother, she's a single mom, and the list goes on. She told me that the miracle of getting a home from complete strangers with no strings attached was already overwhelming, but the fact that we all come back and visit and really do care about her and her daughter is something that she has never experienced until now. She's on a journey as we all are, I'm so grateful to be able to be a part of the story that God is telling in this little corner of the planet.

I've realized that these weekends in Mexico are so much more than just building a home, it's about using our hands & feet to show God's love for the people of Colonia de San Bernardo. If you want to know more about Project Mexico check out the site by clicking here.

Here's a video that Jon made from our last trip; hope you enjoy it!

Which Pill?

One of my favorite movie moments from The Matrix;

MORPHEUS: The Matrix is everywhere, it's all around us, here even in this room. You can see it out your window or on your television. You feel it when you go to work, or go to church or pay your taxes. It is the world that has been pulled over your eyes to blind you from the truth.

NEO: What truth?

MORPHEUS: That you are a slave, Neo. Like everyone else, you were born into bondage, kept inside a prison that you cannot smell, taste, or touch. A prison for your mind.

The leather creaks as he leans back.

MORPHEUS: Unfortunately, no one can be told what the Matrix is. You have to see it for yourself.

Morpheus opens his hands. In the right is a red pill. In the left, a blue pill.

MORPHEUS: This is your last chance. After this, there is no going back. You take the blue pill and the story ends. You wake in your bed and you believe whatever you want to believe.

The pills in his open hands are reflected in the glasses.

MORPHEUS: You take the red pill and you stay in Wonderland and I show you how deep the rabbit hole goes.

Neo feels the smooth skin of the capsules, the moisture growing in his palms.

MORPHEUS: Remember that all I am offering is the truth. Nothing more.

Neo opens his mouth and swallows the red pill. Morpheus smiles.

MORPHEUS: Follow me.

•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

There's so many things in this movie that I love.

In this part of the movie you could interpret so many things, one spin is that it's about faith. When Jesus healed, he almost always seemed to require or respond to some act of stepping out, like asking someone to put out their hand, or asking them "what do you want". Other times he would be responding to an action; like responding to the guys lowering their friend on a mat through a roof, or to the lady reaching out to touch his cloak in the midst of a crowd.

It's not just enough to believe ... you've got to step out and trust. You can't see until you choose.